Help husband. Help husband quickly, especially when he tries to go shopping.
Funny–I was JUST about to write a post about how much fun we had last weekend! He acted SO NORMAL. He did normal things! He didn’t dress normally, but that’s to be expected. He wore a beige fleece sweatshirt with these really thin black sweatpants the whole weekend–and I almost certain these “sweatpants” are actually a pair of long johns. He thinks he has people fooled–but not me. But I have our three young boys to keep up with, so hey, if my husband wants to wear long johns in public, more power to him.
Yeah, so I was going to post how normal he acted (other than the long johns). Oh, also he totally forgot to buy me a Christmas present. However, I also forgot to buy him one, so we cancelled each other out on that one. Not much to complain about. We’re just not present people–it was a little irritating though when he said, “Did you buy me something?” and I asked, “No why?” And like the spoiled husband he is, he replied, “Thank goodness. You never buy the right things.” Precisely. That’s why I stopped trying. And he never started trying, so as I said, that’s fine. Thank heaven I have so few expectations–clearly expectations would create issues in our marriage. (hahahah!!! good one!)
SO, wasn’t I trying to say something about how normal he acted? Well, forget that. But we did have a GREAT time!!! However, there is a reason this post is titled “Help Husband When Shopping”…Today he went to the store again. He calls me on the phone as I’m tucking the boys into bed. He says, “You will never BELIEVE what I found!”
I get all excited, “What! What did you find!? Is it for me?” That was such a dumb question. But the response was soooo much dumber.
“Yes, it’s for all of us! It’s a HAMMOCK.” Uuuuhhhhhh, our “backyard” is only like 10 by 10. We have no front or side yard. Where does he think the hammock is going to go? I was already annoyed.
So I explained, “Honey, a hammock isn’t going to fit in our yard AT ALL. Don’t buy it.” I didn’t mention the obvious fact that we don’t NEED a hammock, our boys could seriously injure themselves on a hammock, and I hate hammocks because I fall out of them but keep trying to lie down in them regardless. For this reason they negatively affect my self-esteem.
Then he said: “That’s okay. We don’t have to put it in the yard. It’s the kind of hammock you can stand up on its own.” Hu? Oh good. So, you mean we can put it anywhere? Like the living room? Or the kitchen? I have a better idea–how about the stairs? Because I can’t think of another area in our extremely small apartment where we could FIT A HAMMOCK. See why I said to help my husband? Man, glad I nipped that one in the bud.
